Ok, I’ve never been one to beat around the bush, so I’m gonna break some shit down for you….
Are you ready????
Truth bomb: VEGETARIAN CHILI SUCKS.
PERIOD.
THE WHOLE POINT OF CHILI IS THE AMAZING TEXTURE AND DEPTH AND HEARTINESS!!!!!
The veggie version just lacks a certain…..um….I dunno MEATINESS???? I hate thin chili. I hate chili that doesn’t have complex layers of development. Vegetarian or not, I like a slow burn balanced with some weight. I want to enjoy the flavors of thick, heart warming depth and to put it in a kind tone, I’m not so fond of “soupy”
Shit….if I wanted bean or tortilla soup, I would have made or — worse– ordered one of those. How many times have I ordered chili thinking, “YESSSS, my heart needs some warming….cuz I’m a bitch tonight” and then left thinking, “WTF is wrong with me…Chili doesn’t even calm the asshole-ness.”
I swear it isn’t my fault. It ISN’T my fault that I’m a total crazy lady!!!!
Look! I like a chili – vegetarian or not – that has substance and doesn’t rely on heat for its flavor. Anyone can throw in more spicy bullshit…but a truly balanced chili is totally dependent on…um…balance (redundancy sometimes gets the point across – right????).
This has been quite the journey…i began when a couple of vegetarian/vegan miracle-working nannies walked into and then just as quickly – OUT of our life. Since then, I’ve been on a quest to perfect a vegan chili that had it all…..and while I no longer have access to the miracle worker taste testers because of the shenanigans of an ugly divorce…I’m still determined to figure out which ingredients have vegan substitutes that can take meat-abhorant chili from “good” to “Wow!!!!”
And so….over the last three days I’ve been perfecting this recipe, and tonight’s batch was just….. GLORIOUS. I mean. Like…….um…. WOAHHHHHH….
So here you go….3 years in the making…and I think I’ve got it.
Let me know what you think – and don’t forget to follow what other craziness might come from my ridiculous ass…
-Bougie
Glorious Meaty Vegetarian Chili
Ingredients
- 2 medium chopped onions - divided
- 2 large portabello mushrooms, coarsely chopped
- 8 cloves garlic
- 2 red bell peppers, coarsely chopped
- 1 yellow bell pepper, coarsely chopped
- 4 large carrots, coarsely chopped
- 1 - 2 jalapeños (to taste), coarsely chopped
- 1 can roasted chilis; OR 2 - 3 home canned ridiculously yummy Hatch Chilis from Lethal's mother....stems removed, skins intact...
- 1 - 2 tsp. hot sauce (I use green habañero)
- 3 tbs. chili powder (I like to use a variety)
- 1 tbs. chipotle
- 4 tbs. ancho seasoning (optional, but gives a big part of the fullness of flavor)
- 2 tsp. basil
- 2 tsp. oregano
- 3 tbs. cumin
- 3 cubes Not Beef bouillon
- 4 cups water
- 1 - 2 fresh tomatoes, coarsely chopped
- 1/2 cup dry white wine
- 3 tbs. lemon juice
- 1 cup uncooked bulgar
- 2 cans white kidney beans, rinsed
- 2 cans black beans, rinsed
- 1 (28 oz) can diced tomatoes
- 1 can corn (optional)
- salt to taste
Instructions
Throw one of the onions, the garlic, and the mushrooms into a food processor and surge until you get a good soft, smooth, thick, pasty mush. Meanwhile, heat a little bit of olive oil in a big ol' soup pot...then add the stuff from the food processor.
While you sauté the mushroom/onion/garlic mixture, surge all the colors of peppers in a food processor until coarsely minced...add those to the paste that is already in the soup pot....do the same with the remaining onion, the carrots, jalepeño, and roasted chilis.
Add all the spices and seasonings, water, tomatoes, wine, lemon juice, and bulgar then let everything get all bubbly and boiling over medium high heat........then turn that shit down and let it simmer...
Whenever you feel like you're ready to go all in...add the preserved, canned stuff that's left - canned tomatoes, black beans, white beans, and corn. Let it all blend and socialize...
When the bulgar is tender, and the flavors have had time to blend, serve it to adoring fans and log onto MarthaScrewIt and rant and rave about how amazing it is
Notes
*can't find "Not Beef" boullion? Substitute 3 - 4 cups mushroom broth for water/bouillon
